Okay. I doubt anyone ever reads these damn things anyways so I'm just putting and interpretation of how I feel. I feel an empty hollow or anguish inside my chest a sorrow it seems that overwhelms the little joys I find in life. It seem that anyone I find who who can fill that hole pours a little in my glass then tips it over in my lap,laughs and walks away. I wonder what is wrong with me. I'm not a happy person anymore. The drink stopped working a long time ago and I can't take anything else that doesn't make me feel paraniod to the exent of wanting to hurt those around me. I've heard that everything cures itself in time but I've been waiting and my patience is running thin. I hate having all this hate inside and not being able to be rid of it. Everyone expects so much out of me but what else can I give? I work two jobs five days a week but I can't get ahead and I still get these suicidal thougts. I don't know if I wish to die but If I do I know I don't wanna go out by my own hand. What is wrong with me??