There are periods when the principles of experience need to be modified, when hope and trust and instinct claim a share with prudence in the affairs, when, in truth, to dare, is the highest wisdom -William Ellery Channing

So when you cut through the bullshit and fake smiles what is truly left? Nothing that's what,just second after second leading up to your death. So why go on? Why give a fuck? I'll tell you why because to give up is to let them win. Trudging, you know to trudge the slow sad but determined walk of a man who has nothing left but the simple impulse to soldier on. When all compassion falls out the door then dig a hole and bury it. Leave it in the past and carry on. It's the only thing we mortals can do till we too are gone.

Hey guys for those of you that actually like my writings I apologize. Where I've moved recently I have no PC and it's hard to get time to place my work on this site.

Okay. I doubt anyone ever reads these damn things anyways so I'm just putting and interpretation of how I feel. I feel an empty hollow or anguish inside my chest a sorrow it seems that overwhelms the little joys I find in life. It seem that anyone I find who who can fill that hole pours a little in my glass then tips it over in my lap,laughs and walks away. I wonder what is wrong with me. I'm not a happy person anymore. The drink stopped working a long time ago and I can't take anything else that doesn't make me feel paraniod to the exent of wanting to hurt those around me. I've heard that everything cures itself in time but I've been waiting and my patience is running thin. I hate having all this hate inside and not being able to be rid of it. Everyone expects so much out of me but what else can I give? I work two jobs five days a week but I can't get ahead and I still get these suicidal thougts. I don't know if I wish to die but If I do I know I don't wanna go out by my own hand. What is wrong with me??

It never ends in this fucking cycle. They see my strength and they are attracted to it. They feed off it to fight their demons and when they're gone I become the castaway playmate. I'm so tired of trying and getting shit on. I'm in the same shit again and I know how it will end but why won't I just back out before they do? I don't know maybe it's lonelyness or desperation but I'm just sick of it. Patience is a virtue and also a girl who is using me to make her feel good till she finds another. I want to scream. I want to break things fuck I just need a way out!